Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Persuasion

I started a new job "outside the home" this month, and I'm having to adjust.  Scheduling sleep and exercise and regular meals and meditation needs to get back on track. No more posting in blogs or Facebook until I've done all those other things--as of tomorrow.   I can no longer be a perfectionist about clutter and  messes around the house. Home has become a place to crash, rather than a place to feel anxious about.  Everyone is happier and more relaxed.  As long as there's grub in the house, the menfolk (almost-grown son and husband ) are happy.The extra money doesn't hurt either. I crave more order and tidiness...but that will come once I've adjusted, and in a more balanced way.  I wish I were doing something more creative, but...eh...I'm blogging, and cooking grape pies. Keeping a warm and inviting house without going overboard is creative. I want that balance.

Also this month, because of the election, I got back into Facebook  and spent way too much time fretting over it.  What a ride!  All the way from sputtering  "What the H-E-Double hockey sticks are they thinking? I'll give them a peace [sic] of my mind!!!"  to perseveration and second-guessing.  "O gosh, did I go too far? on like, my own  Facebook page?? Of course you didn't go too far! It's your page! Get some attitude, girl!...but I hurt their feelings, see how angry I made them...I'm a bitch...No I'm not...."
                                                                         

I think I'm getting the hang of persuasion, whether I'm trying to change an acquaintance's mind in a tête–à–tête or minds-by-the-small-handful in my writing,  the method for persuasion that suits me best involves first seeking to understand what's preventing a person from seeing things my way, especially if their opposition comes floating along a river of  overwhelming emotions.  That's where their head is--no use trying to reason them out of it the torrent--but that doesn't mean the conversation is over. Without having to agree with them, I can let them know I'm listening. Resisting  the urge to escalate, no matter how angry I feel, I can empathize and de-escalate. Then the "persuadee" may be open to listening to the emotional motivations I have for believing/acting as I do.  And if she is engaged in listening to me "speak from the heart,"  I can gradually slip some facts and reason into the conversation, and those ideas will be coming from a companion rather than from an adversary, and will have a chance of being at least considered, if not embraced.

I try not to be a bitch publicly or one-to-one, and for the most part, I think I'm doing all right.

That's a lot of personal crap I just wrote. I've put the part worth most generally useful in bold. 

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